Archive for November, 2010

The Chicken Lady Salad Sandwiches Slow Everything Down

November 26, 2010

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Tim_hortons_to_accept_debit_cards

The funny thing is:

I live right down the road from Tim Horton’s head office.  They have a store there (pictured in the article) that’s like the Cadillac of Timmy’s.  It’s one of the locations I frequent regularly.  Like any Tim’s I go to, I always go inside the store, as there is always in the neighbourhood of 12 cars in the drive-thru line yet no one inside the store.

Anyway, I was there the day before this article came out and came up with an idea for a post on this here blog:  I was going to make a post titled “Dear Lady Who Works At Tim Horton’s That Hands Out Samples And Has A Highly Irritating Voice”…then the body of the post was going to say “I don’t like you.”  

Every time I go in, there is this woman handing out samples to people in line.  I’m sure she is probably a nice lady and is someone’s mom and all, but her voice drives me fucking crazy.   It’s her in the picture in the article.

So I went back the next day to get some video of her…

 

Can you dig why I call her the Chicken Lady?

Check Out My Bols

November 22, 2010
Bols make for a delicious treat.  Sweet, sweet bols.

C360_2010-11-21_16-10-13

More Breaking News

November 22, 2010

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Retard_isnt_a_retard

My Kids Love Each Other

November 21, 2010

I discovered this correspondence between Sam (my 7 year old) and Patrick (my 11 year old).  They hate each other.

It seems Sam thought up and executed a sweet burn on Patrick:

He gave him a sealed envelope with this on the front:

Sam_letter_to_patrick_3

 

(“To Pat”  and then a picture of Sam shooting Patrick)

On the back is this:
Sam_letter_to_patrick_2
(“Open Nov 16”).

Sam gave Patrick this during the first week of November.  Patrick actually adhered to the rule and waited close to 2 weeks before actually opening it.  I had no idea about any of this until Nov. 16th, when I heard Patrick being all upset about something.  

It turns out he opened the envelope after waiting so patiently, only to find this inside

Say Coach Ron Wilson, Can You Comment On The Leafs’ Last Couple Of Games?

November 20, 2010

Wilson-ron-leafs-392-080610

“Well, I think things have been getting better.  Grabbo certainly has picked up his game and has had some success.  Kuli’s been finding the net too.  I’ve been very happy all season with how Schennie’s been playing, and the same goes for Clarkie McCarkie.  Kessy-poo has struggled a bit but I’m not worried about him.  Silly Goostavson has stepped up to the challenge in Jiggy’s absense.  In a few weeks we’ll have Sexy Dion back and we’ll look to moving up in the Conference.”

One Fan Is No Longer A Fan

November 8, 2010

Just skip directly to 4:10 and watch from there.

Michael Jackson’s Estate Sued For Stealing “Thriller” From India’s Chiranjeevi

November 8, 2010
Golimar!

4 million+ views!

FAIL!

November 3, 2010
I'd be in favour of Republicans, but unfortunately I don't have a problem with blacks or gays, I'm pro-pot, and the only true supreme being I believe in is Thor, God of Thunder.

I'm sure this has been said before but:  what's with these losers and their names over the last several years?

DICK Cheney, Colin (pronounced COLON) Powell, BUSH….and now BOEHNER?  Seriously?  
 
If Sarah Palin wants to win she should change her name to Sarah Vagtits.

Cnn_election

Lecavalier, Are You Nutso??

November 2, 2010

I was saying to my buddies last night that I think New York Rangers head coach John Tortorella looks like Henry “The Fonz” Winkler.

Henry_winkler_tortorella

Jimitater said he had thought the same thing.  (Then he had a great line, which I used as this post’s title.)

In setting out to make the above picture this morning, I discovered that we aren’t alone with our opinion; doing a Google Image Search for Tortorella brought up the following result.

Not everyone agrees though.  Some people have other ideas.

 

Changing Words To Bullshit Words Do Not Change Their Meaning

November 1, 2010

Was just reading an article about the Toronto Maple Leafs that contained this quote:

The bulk of going to the net — which now is called having a net-front presence – will lie on the shoulders of 6-foot-3, 200-pound winger Luca Caputi.

Now here’s a quote from me to anyone who actually talks like that:

“Blow me.”

I’m sorry, make that: 

Kindly make with some dick-front presence.

For the benefit of the sensitive ladies in charge of such decisions, here are some suggestions for additional changes:

  • Icing the puck could be called a “whoopsie doo!”
  • A 5-minute fighting major penalty could be called “a 300 second post-quibble sit-down”
  • A penalty-kill could be called a “self-inflicted disadvantage” (or, alternatively: “trouble-time”)
  • The referees could be called the “Procedural and Regulatory Officers”
  • Commentator Pierre McGuire could be called “Grating Chrome-headed Prick”

I swear to god, if I start hearing the TV people saying “net-front presence”…..well, I am going to start watching football.