Archive for June, 2010

Can I Get A Nelson’s “HA ha!” ?

June 24, 2010


NBC fired Conan because of his poor rating vs. when Leno hosted it, yeah?


You know me…

June 23, 2010

Each day is pretty much the same for me.  I get up early in the morning, have some cereal, and then go about getting myself ready for work.

Showering doesn't take all that long for me because I have a baldy shaved head, so I don't have any shampoo-time.  I'm not losing my hair or anything like that; I didn't shave it off out of shame.  No man, before I shaved it I was rockin' a faux-hawk!  But I knew I would look totally hot with a baldy head.  Just like I did with the faux-hawk.  I don't mind that 5 out of every 6 guys has a shaved head these days.  I still feel unique.

Anyway, the time saved on shampooing balances out nicely the extra time I need to put into maintaining my microbeard.  I need to take an hour each morning with a razor and tweezers to keep up my Sharpie-drawn-along-my-jawline-from-ear-to-ear look.

Once I finish all my grooming, I get dressed.  I save time here too because I just wear slight variations of the same outfit everyday.  Usually I'll just wear a wife-beater (white or black).  If not that, then I'll wear a t-shirt that is a size too small and has all kinds of gaudy silver and gold looking shit on it.  No matter which shirt I choose, I don't need sleeves cuz both my arms are completely tattooed, so it looks like I've already got on green and blue sleeves.  So I'm fuckin' sorted there.

I put on any old pair of pants (any kind of pants go with a wife-beater or a black t-shirt).  I make sure I get at least one gold chain around my neck and put on one of my watches that are so big they look like a shiny metal box turtle stuck to my wrist.  Lastly, the toughest decision of the day:  my white-rimmed sunglasses, or my Oakley's  (triangular lenses)…?

I head down to the car:  a tricked-out Honda Civic with neon under-lights, a totally sick spoiler and a fuckin' supremo custom exhaust tip (so I can entertain everyone for blocks around with its mighty, high-pitched whine).  Before I get on the road I make sure I stick my Bluetooth ear-piece in.  I'm just that fucking important.

I head out for the highway.  I start blaring some sick dance tracks.  I don't have a girl with me or anything…I actually enjoy dance music. 

I drive to the very end of the on-ramp, whether the whole right-lane is wide open or not.  I absolutely, 100% CANNOT stay in one lane for more than 20 seconds;  I MUST change lanes repeatedly, otherwise people might think I'm a pussy.  And I don't use my signals.  I invented the "pass everyone by using the off-ramp lane and then force-merge back on" maneuver.  

Then I get to work.

After work, I head over to Tim Horton's to hang out in the parking lot with a bunch of dudes just like me.  We just hang out with our Civics and Acuras and shit.

I say things like: "epic" and "no worries" and "yo".  

I bump fists at least 30 times a day.

So yeah.  That's me.

I'm pretty much…..a complete fucking douchebag.

I guess I'm like this because………well, because of my dick.  

It's like a pink Chapstick with a purple lid.  


June 16, 2010

The Adult Cat Represents Me, And The Kitten Represents Dickwit Hipster Kids Of Today

June 16, 2010


June 15, 2010

The produce manager at my local supermarket sez:

"Duhhh, maths is hard!"


June 15, 2010

Can of pop I found in the staffroom at work…

Someone threw it in the trash instead of the recycling bin.

I wasn't too GLADD about it.


June 15, 2010

School-work Sam brought home…

I guess if he ever sees a leprechaun,  he's gonna wish for $34,500.  Or more.


June 12, 2010

Sonic Sweetness…Again

June 7, 2010

Yeah, I know I just posted a tune by LCD Soundsystem the other day, but I only just discovered them myself and I have been digging the FUCK their latest CD.  As with any tune I post here, I recommend listening to at a high volume…

Listen on Posterous


June 7, 2010