My love/hate for Tim Hortons

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So…..

I will readily admit that I am an unrepentful Tim Hortons addict.  I get a Timmy’s coffee at least once a day…sometimes up to four times.  I need it shortly after waking…Vicki & I walk with the kids there every evening after supper, etc.  I enjoy the coffee.  I don’t drink coffee anywhere else; not at home, not at other restaurants…it just doesn’t taste the same.  I drink tea at home.

Anyway, being the frequent visitor that I am to Tim Hortons, I have developed a pretty healthy list of pet peeves; not just of the business itself but also of the other asshole customers.  Here is the unfinished list…because I am always finding new piss-offs).

What I love FUCKING HATE About Tim Hortons

1. No Debit This pet peeve applies to any business that, in this day and age, still refuses to accept debit-card payment.  It’s retarded.  But what REALLY pisses me off about Tim Hortons non-debit policy is their reasoning> “In order to maintain a high level of prompt service, we do not accept debit cards”.  This is not 1998 anymore.  Most places have their debit systems on high-speed lines.  At my place of work, a debit transaction takes 3 SECONDS, so don’t give me that bullshit.

2. Mastercard So, they don’t take debit, but they do take Mastercard?  Fuck you and your favouritism, Timmy.

3. Sandwiches This is actually my number one all-time pet peeve.  It used to be that Tim Hortons sold coffee and doughnuts and that’s it.  Then, like every other greedy business that can’t just stick to one thing but just has to overload their menu under the pretense of ‘giving the customer what they want’, Tim’s started selling sandwiches.

Let me tell you a couple of things about these sandwiches:

  • they don’t taste very good.  The bread is so hard it can cut your gums and the chicken is rubber-like. (I’ve had a friend of mine once say “They’re actually pretty good!”.  Well, no.  They’re not.  He’s wrong.)
  • they are so overpriced it is laughable

and here is my main point….

  • THEY TAKE ALMOST 5 FULL MINUTES TO MAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My absolute favourite thing in the world is to dash into a Tim’s just to grab a coffee (which should only take a couple of minutes) and then get stuck behind some idiot who orders a sandwich.  (and not all of these places have the fancy ‘please-step-over-there-to-pick-up-your-order’ situation…oftentimes it’s one person taking the order and filling it too).  So I end up standing there for close to 10 minutes watching all this shit, and then when it’s my turn, my transaction take under 60 seconds.  I fucking hate it!

Hey Timmy’s:  No debit because it slows down transactions, eh?  Fuck you and you sandwiches!!!!!

Hey Customer Who Enjoys The Sandwiches:  Go to Subway, you fucking idiot!

The Shithead on a ‘Timmys-Run’ For the Office Just like the above situation, I also am a huge fan of running in for a coffee and finding out the hard way that the dickhead in front of me has volunteered to get coffee for everyone in the office.  Oh, and they’d better get some doughnuts too for that meeting!  “Hmmmmmmm…….I’ll take a couple……….maple………..and, ummmmmmmmm……….a powdered…..?”.  Jesus Christ, I want to take a claw-hammer to the backs of these people’s heads.

The Drive-Thru Vicki and I go to Timmy’s every morning on the way to work and, without fail, the drive-thru has a dozen or more cars spilling out of the parking lot and onto the road.  I always park and go inside….where I usually find no one else in line.  Fuck, people are stupid.  A couple of other points about the drive-thru:

  • way to kill the environment with your idling car, M.F.
  • the drive-thru should be exclusively for quick-order items like coffee…period.  These assholes that go to the drive-thru for their….sandwiches….need to be taught a lesson.
  • If I’ve ordered a bagel (which only takes 40 seconds to make….don’t try to get me on a double-standard rap….it’s NOT the same as sandwiches!)….the employees never seem to see a need to include a napkin or two.  Thanks a lot.

Customers Who’s Mothers Neglected to Teach Them Manners Well, they should get hit by a car…preferably by someone who ordered a sandwich at the drive-thru.

My mother DID teach me manners, and I utilize them in such a manner as to say…hold the door open for someone.  And what happens when I hold the door open for someone at Tim Hortons?  They get ahead of me in line and then order 12 coffees for everyone at the office and Turkey Club Sandwiches.

Another real goat-getter for me is:  your standing in a long-ass line.  Everyone is testy and uptight about how long the wait is.  Then, when they finally get to the counter they place their order….the counterperson tells them their total….and only then do they decide to start getting their payment together.  You fucking asshole!   No wonder the line is taking so long with ignorant pricks like you in it!   Get your cash ready while you are in line!

Bagels As I mentioned earlier, sometimes I will get a bagel.  There are 2 specific things that piss me off about ordering bagels:

  1. If I were a Timmy’s employee and I was taking orders, I would listen to the entire order first.  I.E. if I order a coffee and bagel, PUT THE FUCKING BAGEL IN THE TOASTER FIRST, BEFORE YOU START POURING THE COFFEE!  This happens without fail…every…fucking….time.  And I always point it out:  I’ll say “coffee and a bagel please” and they jump all over pouring the coffee first…then they ask for the payment.  I’ll say:  “You know, if you put the bagel in first it would be toasted by now”.  I’ve experimented too; I’ll say the bagel first…as if I don’t want a coffee.  They’ll say “Is that all?”  and I’ll say “No, also: a large double-double”…then they fucking start pouring the coffee, leaving the bagel till last. 
  2. I get my bagels with butter on them.  I have a hell of time with this because of the whole ‘cream cheese’ thing.  It seems that when people order bagels with cream cheese, the Timmy’s people will slather cream cheese on one side of the bagel, then squish the 2 halves together.  Because of this, some of the stupider employees (which seem to be gaining in numbers) seem to think that they are supposed to do the same with buttered bagels.  They’ll only butter one half and what I end up with it half a bagel that is just dry toast.  To avoid this I always say: “toasted with lots of butter please” when I order.  This at least guarantees that I won’t get a piece of dry bread.  But I gamble when I ask for that, because here is what I received one time….

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Ok…..I’m glad I got all that off of my chest.

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